I Realized Something Tonight

For this week's lesson in my Dante course, we read Canto XIII of the Inferno. In it, Dante and Virgil are traveling through the Wood of the Suicides on the seventh level of Hell. All that is seen are knotted and dying trees with black leaves and poisoned thorns and the sounds of wails and grief. Virgil insists that Dante break a branch from the tree. He does so, and the tree speaks; it is the soul of one that committed suicide. Blood and words spilled from the wound, and Dante learned of the shade's story.

My notes from my journal concerning this Canto:

I found it interesting that the suicides are a dead and dying forest. I think this symbolizes how a person driven to suicide feels dead inside, so for eternity, their internal death is turned outward as a dead tree or shrub. Also, this forest had no path, much like the forest Dante was lost in Canto I. Although you could interpret Dante straying from the path of God and getting lost in Canto I, I think it can also be seen as Dante's mind wandering through the thoughts of suicide.
Though Dante breaking the branch off of one of the trees to hear the shade speak is an homage to Virgil's Aeneid, I think it is representative to a person going through a deep and brooding depression. Emotions and any hints to the person's depression are pent up inside. At some point, something or someone comes along and causes the sufferer to "snap." The person can take two paths from this point. The person can spill their heart and soul to someone about what they have been going through and try to make it out of depression (one way of seeing the blood and words spill from the tree's wound). The other path is that they will take their life. This could be seen as the blood spilling from the wound, and the words spoken by the tree could represent the final words of a suicide of what they want the world to know before they can speak no more.

While I was writing this, I realized something about my past. As most of you know, I've been through depression a couple times now. My first episode, when I was in ninth grade, was much more serious than my second, and has a larger impact on who I am today. I contemplated suicide almost every night, almost as a way of getting revenge against all of those people that made my life miserable. At the time, I don't think a single person knew what I was going through. To this day, I still don't think anyone completely understands, my parents especially. It pains me to think that even they did not recognize what was going on, even when I broke down yelling, bawling, curling up on the floor, and pulling my hair in distress one night in the kitchen. They just thought I had a bad day, I guess. Even now, when I tell them what I went through, I don't think they have the faintest idea of what I was going through, and that hurts. Maybe it's because of the stress that they put on me about my grades and they won't even glance at how they assisted in keeping me in depression.
Anyways, there was one girl in my class that I credit to putting me through depression. She always made fun of me, and at that time, I couldn't just let things roll off, no matter how much I tried. She always mocked me and made the most idiotic statements, saying that I smelled bad in P.E. and all that jazz (which I did not. I showered daily (unlike her), didn't smoke (unlike her), and used body spray after class). One day after the same comments she made, I had my "snap" moment. I broke down and started crying. This was the only time I had cried in school since probably second grade. I couldn't stop. I kept crediting other things to why I was crying, trying not to empower her. I remember one of the things was that "this is probably the last Thanksgiving I'll have with my grandad" (it was around a week or so before Thanksgiving break). When she heard this, she mocked me. She mocked me. Here my grandad was a breathing corpse suffering from colon cancer and the chemo that he had been going through for months, and she was making fun of it.
I went to class, but I couldn't stop crying. All those years that I had been going through depression (it had started around fifth grade) that I had pent up inside of me were bursting through the wound that she had made in me. My teacher let me go to the counselor, but I didn't want to talk about it. I just wanted to go home. My mom came and picked me up, and the next day I started on medication.
It was because of her, a girl that held my head under, that I got out of depression. That was the last straw, I broke, and I finally did something about myself. I suppose tonight's reading in my class on Dante was another branch that was broken from me. Here I am, spilling my blood, tears, and words to you. Thank you.




Edit: Also, -I'm probably reading into this too much- Psalm 13 is what I always felt was one of the only things that could express how I felt during my depression. Is it a coincidence that this is Canto XIII?











My head was feeling scared, but my heart was feeling free.

Open Letter to my Core 4 Discussion Group

Since DeLauro didn't put up a discussion forum for today on Moodle, I'm writing here.



How can you choose to be ignorant? I don't understand. What is the reasoning behind it? Core 4's focus on Christianity so far has nothing to do with your nursing major, big f-ing whoop. What's wrong with growing intellectually and as a person? Why do you people only come to college in order to earn more money once you get out of school? Do you really think that that's all you'll need to give your life a purpose? Measly pieces of paper that have no real value? You know what, I'm going to ask you the same question one among you asked another girl in our class today: You knew that you were coming to a Catholic college....why are you complaining about learning about the Bible? It's true, you probably won't apply it to your occupation as a nurse. But you will at least understand where your patients are coming from. And -trust me, I know this may seem a little hard to grasp- someday, you could use the brain that you were born with for something other than regurgitating answers from a medical book onto a patient. I know, I know, thinking hurts, but it's good for you.









Oh, mercy!

Christianity Should Have Been Buddhism

When Siddhartha Gautama jazzed about from 563-483 B.C.E., he had some really great teachings (Siddhartha is the Buddha that figurines and art usually depict, seen as the supreme Buddha of our age). People that listened to him thought he was fantastic. He made sense. He was peaceful. And, teaching to a Hindu crowd, his message made sense; "do what I do and your spirit will stop going from shell to shell when you die." People didn't worship Siddhartha (if some do, they're not supposed to), they simply followed his example in order to become enlightened and stop the cycle of reincarnation.

A little over 500 years later, Jesus waltzes into the picture. Guess what? Almost all of Jesus' teachings can be considered Buddhist. (I'm being safe and putting "almost" in there even though I haven't found anything that wasn't a wee bit Buddhist). There are very old scrolls in very old temples around south-eastern Asia that talk of some guy coming from the West named Issa. Issa is very very close to Jesus' name in his own tongue, Yeshua (or Joshua in modern English). These scrolls were written around the time that Jesus disappeared in the Bible, his teen years. If you boil it down, they say that this guy was different and he understood, he knew what was going on. He picked everything up fast. After a bit, he returned to his home in the West.

When Jesus was preaching to the crowds, he was trying to get them to follow his teachings, not him. "Follow in my footsteps," pretty much is "do what I'm doing, listen to what I'm saying to get into Heaven (Parinirvana)." He wasn't saying "worship me as God." All over Mark, whenever someone calls him the Son of God, the Savior, the Messiah, he keeps telling them to keep their mouths shut. He understood the complications these phrases had among people, that it would cause them to stray and worship him. In a sense, Jesus was a savior of his listeners' souls. He was trying to save their souls from continuing their cycle of reincarnation and to end up in Heaven. Sadly, people didn't grasp this. He found that it was almost impossible to teach these things to people that didn't believe in reincarnation. Instead, his audience wrote chapters upon chapters about how he was the Messiah prophesied in the Torah. They proclaimed him to be the only son of God. In the Book of Thomas, that didn't make it into the canon, Jesus talks about having everyone find the Kingdom of God within, not waiting for a physical one. Very Buddhist. He was a smart guy, and I personally see him as a Buddha. He knew what was going on. Sadly, most people didn't. The dense apostles led people down a different path than Jesus wanted.

In its fundamental teachings, Christianity is fantastic. A lot of its teachings are still Buddhist. It's just that the beliefs that are focused on are that Jesus was the "only begotten son of God" and that people and places were more important than the words that were delivered. Instead of strengthening yourself, Christianity makes you want to humble yourself and think that you will never be on the same level as Jesus, that you're not special. In answer to Jimmy Carr's question of, "If we're all children of God, what's so special about Jesus," Ray's answer has to be my favorite thus far; it's not what's special about Jesus, but rather, "what isn't special about us?" I believe that every person has the ability to be just as awesome as Jesus, Siddhartha, or any Buddha that has walked the earth (there are bunches). We just need to stop holding ourselves back and letting people keep us down. Jesus said "let anyone with an ear listen to what the Spirit is saying to the churches." This is what the spirit is telling me.









I am the who in the call "who's there?"

Wow....Things Have Changed

You are a Social Liberal (60% permissive) and an... Economic Liberal (28% permissive) You are best described as a: Democrat Link: The Politics Test on Ok Cupid Also: The OkCupid Dating Persona Test

Okay, two years ago, I was the most conservative person in my government class. Now...I'm Democrat? Eh, whatever. I still vote for the candidates, not the parties. I just really liked this chart. It has all sorts of parties and political views, not just the two domineering ones.







It's my non-discriminating friend!

Exegesis Vs. Eisegesis

On Tuesday, DeLauro gave us a side note where I learned something new. There are two ways to read a book (specifically the Bible), exegesis and eisegesis. Exegesis is reading it from an almost scientific standpoint; "this is where it's accurate historically," "this is why the author wrote like this," "these are the values and beliefs that influenced the writer and the audience of his time." Eisegesis is where you read into the text, you project what you want to read in order to read it. So, if you are reading the Bible to say, "this is why I'm right," then you'll read what confirms your beliefs. It's not exactly the best way of going about things.

When DeLauro said this, I thought, "oh crap. I'm going about this completely the wrong way." I had been reading the Bible looking for things that made it invalid. These thoughts came with a feeling of guilt.

But, it did get me thinking, and I came to the conclusion that exegesis is almost impossible. No matter what your background, you're going to project some idea from yourself onto the Bible when reading it. If you're a die-hard Christian, you're going to try to strengthen your faith by seeing the things that make you right. If you're a shifty Christian, you're going to see both the good, but realize there's a lot of things that don't make sense and that contradict each other within the same chapter. If you're Muslim, you might find the things that made Jesus a prophet, but not the messiah. If you're Jewish, you may read it looking at why Jesus was a great guy and all, but he's not what people label him as. If you're a Buddhist, you look for what Jesus was saying that coincides with your beliefs. If you are an atheist, you may find every little thing that's wrong and proclaim that that is why you think there is no God.

I think the only ways to read the Bible exegetically is if you are a passive agnostic or atheist, where you're fully content with yourself and are not searching for any change in your views of religion. You can't be hostile towards those with different beliefs than you, like some atheists floating around. *TANGENT* Seriously, there are atheists out there that complain and bitch about how hypocritical Christians try to save their souls and won't leave them alone. Here are a couple posts from a Christian and an atheist on a group on facebook called "Please Don't Try to Save My Soul Without My Consent":

Christian: That's kind of the point of asking. We (Christians) want to get into a conversation like that because we're told to share God's Word with everyone we meet. Granted, some (a lot of) people go about it the VERY wrong way, like shoving it down people's throats and/or judging them unfairly, but Christians are responsible for making sure that everyone has at least heard about Jesus so that they have had the opportunity to accept Him. If they never hear, how can they make the choice whether or not to accept Him (that comes from a Bible verse)? We don't want anyone to end up in Hell because we didn't say anything. Some of us (like me) actually do care where people will spend eternity and don't mean to upset anyone, we just want them to know. But ultimately it is the other person's choice what to believe.

Atheist: Ok, you guys are "responsible" to do this??? This is a "responsibility" you have given to yourself that has no actual basis in reality. It's absolutely none of your business what someone believes in or doesn't. Why do we have to hear about Christ? And who are you to assume that anyone who doesn't believe in him is going to hell? You don't know any of this, and it is incredibly arrogant to assume that you are right to patronize other people who have thought about the question of God/afterlife/religion and have drawn a different conclusions. I don't immediately get into an argument with anyone who has different political beliefs from me, or comes from a different ethnic background. Why don't you stop worrying about where people spend the afterlife and start worrying about improving this life for people? This world is very tough on a lot of people and we are very lucky to live in the country that we do. You could be helping people that are living right now instead of chasing your peers around with your dogma. I'm not saying Christians are wrong for believing in Christ. I do think, however, that it is wrong to view other people as damned and beneath you just because they believe in something else, or nothing at all. If their is a God, ultimately He/She/It will be the one to judge, not [Christian].

Wow. Which one of those seemed a bit more hypocritical than the other? I think it was the atheist who thinks the best way to go about things is slam Christians into the ground that are just trying to peacefully tell the group why they do what they do. Instead of "helping people that are living right now", the atheist finds it more beneficial to society to rip the poor Christian to shreds with her own beliefs, with what I find to be an ironically religiously fueled argument. And she doesn't immediately get into arguments with people who have different beliefs (bold)....uh. huh.

Don't get me wrong. Every atheist I've met (at least one....not a great basis for this, but still) is awesome and just stays out of religious nonsense. They aren't the psycho-super-b*tch that this atheist was who is waaaay more hypocritical than most religious folk I've met. *END TANGENT*

So, in order to read the Bible exegetically, you would almost have to come from a different culture that doesn't have much of a Christian influence. It's like us today reading Gilgamesh or the ancient Greek mythologies. Although, that still isn't completely exegetic, since we still try to grab morals from the stories and apply them to contemporary life.

But, that's what I think. Any input you guys have would be fantastic. I have to see every point of view on things. It's almost an obsession.








What's that coming over the hill? Is it a monster?

Paul is Still a Pompous Pot Head

Rom1:25-27- "They exchanged the truth of God for a lie and revered and worshiped the creature rather than the creator, who is blessed forever. Amen. (26)Therefore, God handed them over to degrading passions. Their females exchanged natural relations for un-natural, (27) and the males likewise gave up natural relations with females and burned with lust for one another. Males did shameful things with males and thus received in their own persons the due penalty for their perversity."
So, only non-Christians are homosexuals? Interesting, because quite a few of my homosexual friends are Christian.... And those pagan women, he didn't even know what went on there, but it must have been bad, because they're pagan and stopped having sex with men. "I don't know what they do, but I'll just assume it's evil and condemn them."

Rom 1:28-32- "And since they did not see fit to acknowledge God, God handed them over to their undiscerning mind to do what is improper. (29) They are filled with every form of wickedness, evil, greed, and malice; full of envy, murder, rivalry, treachery, and spite. They are gossips (30) and scandalmongers and they hate God. They are insolent, haughty, boastful, ingenious in their wickedness, and rebellious toward their parents. (31) They are senseless, faithless, heartless, ruthless. (32) Although they know the just decree of God that all who practice such things deserve death, they not only do them but give approval to those who practice them."
So...only people that don't accept God do these bad things. Well, I guess that settles that the Crusades, Inquisition, Auto-da-Fé, and the rape of American and African lands never happened, because Christians could have never done that. Only pagans are so ruthless. And back in Paul's day, I'm sure not one single Christian did anything he described here.

Rom 2:1- This whole chapter is about not judging people because you yourself will be judged. And he then goes on, practically for the entirety of his writings, judging everybody else. I want to know what he did. I want to know where the skeleton in his closet is and how many of them there are.

Rom 2:14- "For when the Gentiles do not have the law by nature...."
Oh, right, I forgot. Silly me. Gentiles are lawless. Duh. Wait...wasn't there some famous guy called Hammurabi and didn't he have some tablets with laws in every town in his empire? Maybe I was just dreaming that up. Oh well.

Rom 3:8- "An why not say- as we are accused as some claim we say- that we should do evil that good may come of it? Their penalty is what they deserve."
Well thank Paul he put this in here for all those preachers that tell us natural disasters happen because of homosexuals. And doesn't this kind of go against that long spiel about how "lawless" non-Christians were? So...you can do evil things, as long as you think it will be for the better....Who's to say that those non-Christians don't live by that same decree? Oh, right. Paul.

Rom 6:9- "We know that Chirst, raised from the dead, dies no more; death no longer has power over him."
So what about all of those people that God (supposedly) raised from the dead before and after Jesus? Do they live forever too? What about Elijah, who didn't even have to die to go to heaven? He even went out in a better way than Jesus. He had a freaking chariot of fire! That's awesome! Jesus could have just said, "Well, I'm leaving now," and climbed up a hill and hid behind a rock until the apostles got bored and finally left the poor guy in solitude. Seriously, I don't think Jesus even went to the bathroom in private after he came back from wondering around in the desert.

Rom 6:19a- "I am speaking in human terms because of the weakness of your nature."
Wow, good thing Paul wasn't egotistic. I mean, only people that aren't completely full of themselves can say something like that.

Rom 7:3- "Consequently, while her husband is alive she will be called an adulteress if she consorts with another man. But if her husband dies she is free from that law, and she is not an adulteress if she consorts with another man."
Hooray for the self-proclaimed apostle of Jesus completely contradicting his leader's teachings once again! Really, Paul, you did a bang up job! Congrats.

Rom 7:23-25- "but I see in my members another principle at war with the law of my mind, taking me captive to the law of sin that dwells in my members. (24) Miserable on that I am! Who will deliver me from this mortal body? (25) Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord. Therefore, I myself, with my mind, serve the law of God but, with my flesh, the law of sin."
Ah, so is this on skeleton uncovered? Mr. I-judge-everybody-who-judges-others admits to having little self control. Paul's a hypocrite! How cute! You'd think the guy would at least try to keep himself from doing the things he puts other people down for so publicly.

Rom 8:31-33- "What then shall we say to this? If God is for us, who can be against us? (32) He who did not spare his own Song but handed him over for us all, how will he not also give us everything else along with him? (33) Who will bring a charge against God's chosen ones? It is God who acquits us."
Does anyone else read this as a bit of an ego trip? So...having an ego is okay? I'm telling you, Paul would never do well as a politician.

Rom 9:22- "What if God, wishing to show his wrath and make known his power, has endured iwth much patience the vessels of wrath made for destruction?"
So God creates people for the sole purpose of showing off how pissed He can get? What a forgiving and loving God Paul keeps talking about...

Idiot.

When all is said and done and dead

I'm All Alone

But I'm alone
(Oh no you're not!)
So all alone
(I'm here you twat!)
All by myself I'm all alone

It's odd the things people defend when they're not even under attack....









So happy together

St. Paul was a Pompous Pot Head

So I skimmed through 1st Corinthians last night for Core, and I have no idea why people are so proud to have St. Paul be the original theologian of the Christian faith. I wasn't trying to read it from any more of a critical point of view than if I were reading any historical document, and this work would not stand up in any historical community, at least not as a credible source.

This guy didn't know how many people he's baptised. He names around five people, but doesn't know if he's baptised any more than that. What the f*ck? I think it would be kind of easy to keep track of 5, or more than 5....Keep in mind, Paul hadn't been baptising people for a very long time. He had spent a good deal of his life executing Christians, then he was converted on the road to Damascus (where there were no horses). It's not like he had been dipping people in water his whole life.

Cor 3:10a- "According to the grace of God given to me, like a wise master builder I laid a foundation...."
Cor 3:11- "for no one can lay a foundation other than the one that is there, namely, Jesus Christ."
Do these not seem conflicting? It doesn't really help that they are sequential verses, either.

C0r 5:11- "But I now write to you not to associate with anyone named a brother, if he is immoral, greedy, a drunkard, or robber, not even to eat with such a person."
This directly contradicts what Jesus was teaching, where he would eat with sinners and people the public didn't like.
Cor 7:12- Here, he contradicts himself again saying that it's cool if you're married to an unbeliever, because their soul will be saved through you. So...you can't eat with them...but you can sleep with them...

Cor 7:8-9- "Now to the unmarried and to the widows, I say: It is a good thing for them to remain as they are, as I do, but if they cannot exercise self-control they should marry, for it is better to marry than to be on fire."
Again, directly contradicting what Jesus said. A widow or divorcee should not remarry, because that's adultery.

Cor 7:25- "Now in regard to virgins I have no commandment from the Lord, but I give my opinion as one who by the Lord's mercy is trustworthy."
How did this make it into the canon?!? He specifically says God never "told" him anything about virgins, but he's just going to take a wild stab at it anyways. Bovine feces. He then continues telling single people not to marry because it would be a distraction from God. So...you want the Christian population to dwindle.... One can argue about how Paul thought the world was going to end a few days after he wrote this, but it's still pretty stupid.

Cor 10:27- Eat any food given to you. Don't ask questions. Candy from a stranger? Knock yourself out! But, be careful if it's sacrificial meat. Even though Jesus said that it's not what you put into your body that defiles the spirit, leave sacrificial meat alone, because it can. I really wish the self-proclaimed apostle of Jesus would get in line with Jesus' teachings.

Cor11:1- "Be imitators of me as I am of Christ." Whoa whoa whoa. Paul just made himself no better than the scribes that Jesus persecuted. He's become the medium between God and man and between Jesus' teachings and man. 'Listen to my interpretation, not to the guy that actually said this stuff.' Real smooth, Paul.

Cor 11:3-15, 14:34-35- Yay, Paul's a sexist. I understand that in ye olden days, women were supposed to wear veils and not talk in church (even though that was happening in the beginnings of Christianity). But, again, he's not following Jesus. Jesus wasn't sexist. He took women as equally as men. But not Paul. Women need to keep their hair covered in church so not to distract men and angels. And women are the servants of men, since men are closer to God and all. And they shouldn't talk in church. If their poor little inferior brains are confused about something, they should wait to ask their husband at home.


Sure, Paul had some really awesome things to say. Though having all of these contradicting rules and lapses in memory doesn't make him the most credible source, in my humble opinion. He keeps talking about how people shouldn't inflate their egos, and I read most of Corinthians as an ego trip. I can guarantee you that I would be ranting just as much if I were still Christian, so don't go poo-pooing this as a heathen rant. Like Jesus said, "Let anyone with ears listen to what the spirit is saying to the churches." Listen to God, not the church hierarchy.











And it's all right where it belongs.

My Ideas on Reincarnation

Yes, I believe in reincarnation. Not because of my religion, but just because I think it makes the most sense out of the afterlives. I think that you have to keep living life until you get it right, kind of like Groundhog Day on a larger scale. Looking from a Christian standpoint, I don't see why reincarnation is such a no-no. If you thought life was awesome and want to ride again, why would God say no?

Apart from that, I suppose my ideas on reincarnation stem from ancient Greek ideas. I think that your spirit, as well as part of your mind, is transferred to your next shell. You won't remember things from your past lives unless an event awakens your memories. This can easily explain why some people are naturally talented in some areas whereas others are not. Take me and music. I was able to figure out a very simplified version of the first part of Für Elise on the piano when I was around 5, just by ear. I picked up clarinet very quickly. I picked up bass guitar very quickly. Treble clef was never that difficult to read. In fact, when I was in 6th grade and played french horn, I understood how to transpose a note from the horn to piano (C on french horn would be B flat on piano). My teacher didn't know how to do that. This could explain why some people can paint masterpieces the first time they pick up a paint brush. This could be why teenagers with no voice lessons can sing opera. All that's needed to awaken past memories is a spark, something that surfaces all of the things you've already learned.

As for if you actually get life right, I think you go to an eternal bliss. An eternal nothingness. No thoughts, no pain, no sound, nothing. In a sense, it's kind of like an eternal orgasm, where you mind shuts off and all you know is that your life (or eternity) is amazing. No thoughts, just existence.

That's all I've got for now.









Hi, I'm ranger Park, the park ranger.

Poem for Dante Class

The Powerful is Powerless

His life a lie, he lost his hold
On his most trusted friends.
Over and over the myth is told.

They can never make amends
For the damage they have done.
Our clearest image is through a lens,

They have darkened the sun.
How can everyone continue
What these fools had begun?

If only we all knew.
The masses are blind
To the words that are true.

Leaders will continue to wind
The intricate webs thick
So the truth, no one can find.

The temples of brick
Are no more than sand
That absorbs the deaf like a wick.

Knowledge of such things is banned.
The believers are killed
So that the no one will understand.

Once the book has been milled,
One can’t deny the truth
That his life is left unfulfilled.

Remind me never to visit your Live Journal

One of the Best Weekends of my Life

Friday, I didn't eat dinner. So, at 9:30, I met with Mike at the Hub and we bugged Erka. While eating, Gina calls. She's on her way over, to my surprise, and she's going to be spending the night. She gets there, and George is there too, and we all leave the Hub with blue dots on our foreheads (except for Mike) because G-Love felt compelled to give us blue dots. We then played George's Wii to the late hours of the night, Gina and I came back to my room, talked a bit, then fell asleep.

Saturday rolls around. Gina's already up and on my computer when I wake up at 1:30. Out of nowhere, she says we should go to IU and visit Ray. I say why not? So, we call Ray, he says awesome, we pack, and we're on our way. We got lost a couple times, but we found our way out of the creepy forested country roads that we thought was 231.

When we finally get to IU at 9, Ray says we should go for a tour to pass time. So we do. We walk around campus and downtown Bloomington for three hours, ending up at the Cinematic for some Atomic Age Theater. Basically, it's live Mystery Science Theater 3000. It was one of the funniest and most unique experiences ever. After smoking intermission, Dr. Calamari and Death Pimp (two of the characters making fun of the movie, "The Day Time Ended." I never heard "Death Pimp's" real character name, but that's what the crowd called him all night) asked random questions. I answered when the world was going to end according to the Mayan calendar and got a really bad anime movie. I love it :) Edit: Death Pimp's actual character name is Baron Mardi. Here's the Atomic Age website.

We then go walking around for a while longer, get some tacos at Qdoba, then go back to Collins (Ray's dorm) at around 2:30 am. I was stupid and didn't bring any pajamas, so Gina let me borrow her boxer shorts and I was going to wear my jacket for my top. I change in the bathroom and come out to Gina, Ray, and some guy I didn't know named Josh. Gina gives me an extra t-shirt of hers saying she forgot she had packed it and goes into the bathroom. Being too lazy and impatient to wait to change in the bathroom, I just informed Ray and Josh that I was going to change shirts right there in the hall/lobby dealy. Josh said it was Collins, so it wasn't like it mattered (Collins is one of the predominantly homosexual dorms at IU). It just added another excuse, and I changed right there.

So Ray, Gina, Josh, and I go into the lounge and are just talking and doing tarot readings when Josh yells at someone walking by in the lobby. In comes a jumping ball of energy named Sylvia. Very talkative, very funny girl who is awesome. She ended up hanging out with us almost the rest of the time we were in the lounge that night. A few more people joined and left us, and their names were (I think) Aaron, Nick, Austin, Renee, and Jordan. Gina decided she was going to change shirts there in the lounge and had the same "Collins is predominantly gay" excuse.

So, until 7:30 am, we're doing tarot readings, talking, making fun of each other, and having a massaging orgy. Only Gina, Ray, Josh, and I are left. We were starting to get sleepy, and Gina and I had nowhere to sleep. So, we figured we'd sleep in the lounge. Gina's first to go to bed on a couch. I'm still up, giggling at every little thing because I get very punchy when I'm tired. I finally find a couch to lie down on, Ray does some more tarot for me, I traded massages with Josh (best massage EVER!) and zonked out.

Throughout the night, I tossed and turned a lot. Then, when morning (I'm not quite sure when that was) came around, the janitor was in the lounge with the vacuum cleaner. Gina and I tried to sleep through that, even through the vacuum kept hitting my couch *grumble*. Ray finally wakes us up with a call. So we go up to his room. There's his roommate's boyfriend (his name was Victor) on the floor on his laptop and Ray in his bed. Gina and I pop a squat on the floor and Ray's roommate, James, comes in. He's freaking awesome! Gina and I then go to work with Ray and James at a bank downtown where they clean. Gina and I just sat around and watched TV while they worked. Ray, Gina, and I then went to the Trojan Horse, an amazing Greek restaurant. Delicious gyros. We then go to three hippie stores, got some tarot cards, ran into James and Victor on the way back to Collins, then Gina and I start our way home.

On the way back, we stop at Gina's sister's (Kyra) apartment. It's very nice. Her roommates/friends were really cool too. We hit the road again, and I'm asleep until we're back in Lafayette. Gina and I order pizza, trying to wait out the rain (didn't work), watch my prize movie from Atomic H Theater and My Big Fat Greek Wedding. She then drops me off at St. Joe, and I have to read for my classes tomorrow now.

IU = awesome. I think I'm going to go there for my masters and/or doctorate.

Oh, and while at Trojan Horse, Ray informed Gina and I that there weren't any gay people out of the group we changed in front of......we kept asking "Really?!?" for about 15 minutes. I'm still shocked and blushing.








Cold hard bitch, you're just a kiss on the lips.

What I Think of Jesus: Part III

In lecture today, Father Jeff suggested we look at themes repeated throughout the gospel of Mark, like "house" and "synagogue." Of course, this got my gears turning. Events that go one when "house" and "synagogue" is the location of the story...

House
1:29-34 Jesus cures Simon's mother-in-law of a fever. Then, swarms of people come, and he heals a bunch of people and exorcises a bunch of demons.

2:1-12 Jesus is at his own house, stuffed with people trying to be healed. He's talking to them when someone tears apart his roof and throws in a paralyzed guy. Jesus heals him, and the man can walk.

2:15 Jesus eats with sinners and tax collectors.

3:20-35 People think Jesus is possessed by Beelzebub, but Jesus says that's impossible. Says anyone who does the will of God is his family.

5:38-43 Jesus raises a ruler of the synagogue's daughter from the dead.

7:17-23 Jesus pretty much calls his disciples dense and tells them that the external (i.e. "unclean" foods) does not defile, but the evil that comes out of people defile the soul.

7:24-30 Jesus has a match of wits with a gentile. He's happy with her and her understanding of what he's saying, so he heals her daughter that she had to leave at her home.

9:28-29 Jesus tells the disciples they were exorcising incorrectly, and that's why they couldn't get the demos out of a person.

9:33-50 Jesus tells his disciples to stop trying to say they're better than the rest. He says kids are better than adults. Goes on his spiel about cutting of your foot, hand, and eye if they cause you to sin. Better to enter Heaven maimed than Hell perfectly intact.

10:10-16 Jesus talks about people remarrying committing adultery. Then says children are like the Kingdom of God.

14:2-9 Jesus is anointed by a poor woman who spent a year's wages on a jar of perfume. The disciples are appalled, thinking the money could be spent on helping others, but Jesus says she did the right thing. There will always be poor to attend to, but he won't be around for much longer.

14:18-31 The last supper, where Jesus gives his flesh and blood to his followers. Also calls one of them out as a traitor.


Synagogue
1:21-28 Jesus teaches to the amazement of the crowd, then exorcises an unclean spirit that is the first to call him "son of God."

1:39 Casts out more devils

2:26-28 (as "house of God") Jesus eats bread that was reserved for the priests. Says the sabbath was made for man, not vice versa.

3:1-5 Jesus heals a man with a withered hand.

6:2-5 Jesus tries to teach in his hometown, but people won't learn. He can't do anything but heal. The people won't listen, and he is in disbelief.





The pattern that I see is that in homes, Jesus heals people of ailments that cause them to stay in place and/or not be able to go into spiritual matters. Demons, paralysis, severe fever, death. He's trying to get people to leave the comfort of their homes so that they can go out and grow spiritually.

In the synagogues, Jesus is constantly met with opposition. Unclean spirits call him the "son of God," which he refutes. The priests and scribes try to tear Jesus' reputation apart. The people are harder to get to if he can at all. The synagogues are almost a sludge between people and God. People like the man with the withered hand finally seek out God instead of priests, and he is healed, and he goes off to a happier life (quite possibly being able to grow spiritually, finally).

Out in the open, Jesus heals two people differently than all of his other healings...he rubs his spit on them. To the deaf and mute man, Jesus sticks his fingers in the guy's ears and puts his spit in the man's mouth. Jesus rubs his spit into the blind man's eyes. This is symbolic of what is repeated all throughout the Bible, "He that hath ears to hear, let him hear." Listen to God, not the people that stand between you and God. God heals and tries to get attention of the people, but so many just run off to the churches. God pays attention to you. You don't have to communicate through a middle man. In a sense, a priest is the same position as a medium. One is supposedly communicating between customers and God, while the other is communication between customers and the dead.












Hang on, prepare yourself for the rubber band man.

What I Think of Jesus: Part II

The feeding of the 5,000 (4,000) with 12 (7) baskets left over in Mark 6:34-44 (Mark 8:19-21) has more of a parable feel to it than of actual accounts. Those that listen to what God is telling them are filled and have enough to pass on to others. The numbers 12 and 7 make these seem like they're trying to strike a chord with the Bible reading population since they both are frequent numbers throughout the books. The point of the stories are not Jesus' amazing culinary abilities. It's that even if everyone in your immediate area is fed - a huge and impossible feat for most people - by the word of God, there are still baskets of teaching and help to give. You have to go out of your way and do all you can until your sources are exhausted, until your death.

In Mark 8:29-33, Peter tells Jesus he believes him to be the messiah. Jesus tells him and the rest of the disciples to keep quiet. Again, he doesn't want this title to spread. When Jesus is hanging out with Moses and Elijah in Mark 9:5, Peter wants to build a shrine/tent/tabernacle to each of them on that spot. He echos other passages in the Bible (i.e. Jude 8:9) where Satan and/or man want to worship and build shrines to people and locations. Instead of trying to understand and appreciate what happened, people like this are led astray by thinking a place is important, not the message. Jesus could be telling the disciples not to say anything to people about him being the messiah because they could have fallen for the unclean spirits' (Satan's) ruse. People are completely missing the point of Jesus' life, and his disappointment is repeated all throughout Mark. When Peter wants to build shrines to the event of Moses, Elijah, and Jesus, God Himself comes down, obscures the three prophets, and tells Peter right to his thick skull to listen to Jesus.

Mark 13:12-13 "Brother will hand over brother to death, and the father his child; children will rise up against parents and have them put to death. You will be hated by all because of my name. But the one who perseveres to the end will be saved." This could be seen as people will hate and turn over Christians to die, but could this not also be applied that non-Christians will be hated by all that make Jesus equal to or above God? Many non-Christians throughout history and contemporary times were hated and slaughtered in the name of Jesus.

Mark:21-23 "If anyone says to you then, 'Look, here is the Messiah! Look, there he is!' do not believe it. False messiahs and false prophets will arise an will perform signs and wonders in order to mislead, if that were possible, the elect." Most see this as a lot of people claiming to be Jesus and leading Christians astray. Could this not be interpreted as Jesus speaking about the unclean spirits and Peter claiming him to be the messiah?

Mark 14:61-62 This is the only time that Jesus accepts the title of "Messiah." However, Jesus' definition of messiah was different than what most people have in mind, as can be seen throughout Mark. He didn't want people to get the wrong message, which did become prevalent and still is today. Jesus thought of messiah as someone anointed to do God's work, not a savior of the world. And calling himself the son of God is no different than you and I claiming to be children of God.









Christopher, I was your prisoner, Christopher.

What I Think of Jesus: Part I

Since my blog is about what's going through my head, I'd figure I'd write down my thoughts as I'm reading Mark 1-3 for Core. Feel free to put your own thoughts as a comment. Mine are as follows:


Jesus seemed to not want to accept his "identity." When he healed the leper (Mark 1:40-44), he told him not to tell anyone about what happened, but just go to the priests so that he would be included in the synagogue again. He wanted the leper to be able to participate in everyday life like the rest of the world, but he didn't want the rest of the world to know about him. Jesus wanted to be just like everyone else, to be an anonymous face in the crowd.

(Mark 1:25, 3:12) Whenever unclean spirits called him the "son of God," Jesus told them to be quiet, to stop. He did not want people to see him as the son, equal, or personification of God. This could be seen as Jesus trying not to piss off the priests in the area, but this would be to no avail since he questioned their lives, laws, and logic to their faces. What's a little blasphemy when you accuse a priest's lifestyle? Jesus constantly called himself the "son of man", in other words, human. It wasn't meant to be "I'm God as a person," but rather as a common term in Aramaic, a more poetic way of saying "human being." Unclean spirits loudly proclaiming Jesus as the son of God in their last words would make people think Jesus was indeed the son of God, resulting in the unclean spirits getting the last laugh.

The crowds didn't care about Jesus in Mark 1:35-39, 2:2-4, or 3:7-10. They only cared about themselves. They only flocked to Jesus to be healed. They didn't respect his privacy or personal life as seen in the first chapter, where Jesus would try to pray by himself only to be swarmed by crowds wanting to be healed. In the second chapter, they stuff his home without being invited, and some tear the roof off of his house just so a guy can be healed. They don't care about him, his property, his family, or how they're going to fix the roof once they leave. In the third chapter, they would have trampled Jesus to a pulp and rolled around in the blood-soaked dirt just to be healed if Jesus hadn't told the disciples to get a boat for him to distance himself from the crowd. The people were monsters and rarely listened to what he told them to do, like when he told the leper to keep quiet only to have him tell every person he met about what happened.



More are to come as more reading assignments are given.









And I heard, as it were, the noise of thunder.

Bad news...

The love of my life, my cat, Oreo, has diabetes. We took her to the vet today, and it was the calmest I've ever seen her away from home. Sure, she was shedding like crazy, but still. Anyways, we have to feed her special food, which she loves (thank God). But, for insulin, it'll cost $107 a vile, which would last 100-200 days, depending on what dosage we have to give her. Now, it's up to dad whether or not we'll get the insulin. It could lengthen her life by a couple more years, but it's still not cheap...sorry, it's been a while since I've been so sad and cried like this, even though you can't see it. It's hard for me to type and communicate and all. I swear, this is more painful for me than if a doctor were to walk in and tell me I was going to die in two days. I've had a good run in my life, but I just don't want to think about it without Oreo. I'm going to put all of my leftover Christmas money to it. I've got everything I want, anyways. Sorry for such a downer story.








Nothing else is on for my other attention span. It's all focused on this.